Well, it is coming fast! I am now 36 weeks and the rest of my pregnancy is going to fly by. My midwife comes to my home this week and I will be seeing her every week from now on. I am feeling "nesty" now. I want my house cleaner than it is...justification for a maid? I want to have all my birth supplies ready but I still have not ordered them. I bought a few items today at the grocery store for the birth. I am getting excited to see Sophia but I am still nervous about how Leo will handle it. He is very clingy to me and he is still such a baby to me. Bella, at his age was so independent and ready to take on the role of big sister. I have some understandable worries about giving birth again...not safety or anything but the pain. I have lost some of the muscle memory of exactly how Leo's birth felt but I do remember that it took me to my breaking point. I have never broken a bone or injured myself in any way so birth was the most pain I had ever experienced. I don't want to scare people off but I am just describing my personal experience. I am hoping that since I now know what to expect, it will not be as bad to me. With Leo, I know a lot of the pain I felt had to do with the fears I had and because of those fears, my body tensed way up and I felt more pain than I needed to. I have decided to go into this birth with an attitude of, "BRING IT". I want to enjoy as much of the birth as I can. I want to let my body take over and just let it happen. I want to listen to my body and do what it says. I do not want to feel like I need other people to "save me" from my birth. I do not want to choreograph the birth but just have lots of options available to me and do what I want at the time. I feel safe with my body, my husband, and my midwives.
This week, I want to print out some good birthing affirmations and put them around my bedroom and bathroom where I will see them a lot. I will update more later.